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Анекдоты,забавные истории на английском

Arina Spodobina
Подскажите, где можно почитать анекдоты,курьезы, забавные случаи (желательно аутентичные) на английском? Или поделитесь, у кого есть.
Stanislav Polyansky
A sailor on a Navy ship had been out to sea for weeks, and was beginning to go through sex withdrawals. Fed up with the lack of sex, he asked one of his shipmates what he did when the pressure was too much to take.

"Well, there's a barrel with a hole in it near the mop storage. When it gets to be too much for us, we use that."

So the sailor went over to the barrel and decided to give it a go. Finding it was better than he'd expected, he began using it regularly, and his problems seemed to vanish.

After a couple of weeks, his commanding officer began to take notice, and said, "You seem to be a lot more relaxed. What's your secret?"

The sailor, embarrassed to give a straight answer, simply said he'd been getting better rest.

"Well good, sailor. You're going to need it," replied the officer. "Today's your turn in the barrel."
Konstantin Konstantinovich
Did you hear about the little black kid who got diarrhea? He thought he was melting
Arina Spodobina
TO Staniislav: My husband is a sailor. I guess I should send that to him. :))
Сергей Екименов
http://begin-english.ru/biblio/
Английский шутя
Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения
с переводом
Lena Solovyeva
There are photos on this theme in the group, though you can saw.
I think, it was fun http://vkontakte.ru/album-12648877_110151411
& 100 % - http://vkontakte.ru/album-12648877_119248515 :)))
Thanks for a theme, I will subscribe =)
Stanislav Polyansky
TO Arina:
This gag has even turned into an idiom, like:"Today's your turn in the barrel!"
Andrey Trukhachyov
A man comes into the pharmacy and says, "Please give me a packet of strychnine."
Pharmacist: "What do you need that for?"
Man: "I want to kill my wife."
Pharmacist: "You cannot do that."
The man pulls a photo of his wife from his pocket and shows it to the pharmacist.
Pharmacist: "Oh, you 've got a prescription!"))
Andrey Trukhachyov
В Рижском аэропорту на паспортном контроле:
— Nationality?
— Russian.
— Occupation?
— No, no, just visiting
Andrey Trukhachyov
Two men are sitting in the train. One of them is eating apple cores.
The other man asks: "Why are you eating apple cores?"
"This makes intelligent."
"May I also have some?"
"Yes, for five bucks."
He pays five bucks, gets his cores and eats them. Then he mumbles chewing: "Actually, I could have bought a whole bag of apples for 5 bucks!"
The other man replies: "Here you see, it already works!"
Olya Stupnikova
Night. A sleeping couple is lying in a bed. Door bell rings. A couple wakes up. Woman: "Quick! My husband is back!" Man jumps out from a window. Flying down he starts to think: "Shit! But I am the husband!"
Olya Stupnikova
Звонок в Российское посольство в Великобритании:
- Who are you?
- Who я? Я консул, а who you?
Olya Stupnikova
- Милок, какой там свет на светофоре горит?
- Зеленый, бабуля.
- Ой, милок, переведи!
- Green
Валентина Солдатенко
Оля и Андрей!Люблю анекдоты с тонким юмором.
Natalya Romanova
Balzac, the famous French writer, was a man of great talent.
But he himself was proud of his ability to tell a person's character
by his or her handwriting. He often told his friends that he could tell
anybody's character exactly by his handwriting.
One day a woman friend brought him a young boy's exercise book.
She said that she wanted to know what Balzac thought of the
boy's character.
Balzac examined the handwriting carefully for a few minutes.
The woman, however, told him that the boy was not her son and that
he might tell her the truth. And he said that the boy was a bad, lazy
fellow. "It's very strange", said the woman smiling. "This is a page
from your own exercise book, which you used when you were a
boy. "
Yevgeniya Boyko
-Give me two tickets to Dublin!
-Куда, блин?

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